A mother’s intuition is an astonishing phenomenon. Against all statistics, against all odds, against knowledgeable, expert advice, a mother can know what is best for her child. Elizabeth Davis, author of Orgasmic Birth calls it the “mother-mind, a highly intuitive way of thinking”.   I’ve learned to, above all, listen to it- what I call this wisdom of the heart, especially when it comes to parenting or the health of my children.

Before having children,  I wasn’t always this tuned in.  I used to be ruled by my thoughts. My mind told me to take jobs that were not good for me, stay in relationships that were no longer healthy, and make choices that were swayed by doubt and fear.  I would think things out in  my head, analyze a situation, make lists taking into account all the pluses and minuses and make decisions from there.  This is called thinking with your head.  This kind of thinking built me a life that sounded good and looked good on paper (I was a television producer living a Beverly Hills lifestyle full of shopping on Rodeo Drive, getting spa treatments and going to all the hot spots in town)… But deep down I knew there was a life more satisfying than this.  And I found it by learning to “think” or listen to my heart’s wisdom.  The  heart has a way of pushing aside the fears, doubt and wishful thinking to allow you to see a perspective that is the most true for you… And that ultimately leads to a fulfilling life.

The Institute of HeartMath in Boulder Creek, California has produced scientific evidence to backup the “intelligent heart” theory. Research has shown that the heart is more than just a pump.  Similar to the brain, it actually communicates with the body!  Neurologically, the heart sends messages to the brain.  It also sends energy through the pulse as a blood pressure wave.   Biochemically, it releases a chemical which blocks stress hormones.   Electromagnetically, it produces an electric signal that can be picked up anywhere on the body as well as the space around us (this space is called your aura).

The founders of HeartMath agree, if we tune in to our hearts, it helps us to make better decisions, to give balance to our emotions and thoughts, and is the key to a fulfilling life.

So how can you tune into your heart?

My technique is to be very quiet and still.  I focus on my heart while I ask a question or feel out a situation.  The key is to feel for the answer in your heart rather than to search with your mind.  Your mind may try to influence with doubt or wanting, but if you truly tune into the higher wisdom of your heart, the truth will reveal itself.  Your job is to listen.

The HeartMath people have other helpful techniques.

Excerpt From care2.com:

Step 1. Notice and admit what you are feeling.

To gain more insight about your emotions, you will need to become more aware of what you are feeling. Noticing and admitting what you are feeling requires slowing down and taking stock. Periodically, throughout the day simply pause and notice how you feel. It takes only a few seconds to ask, “What am I feeling right now?”

Step 2. Try to name the feeling.

Simply by naming the feeling to yourself, whatever it is — worry, anxiety, frustration, hurt, resistance or even a vague disturbance — will help you admit what you are feeling. Being honest about naming what you are feeling helps regulate your emotional energy, slowing down the emotional energy running through your system and giving you more power.

Step 3. Tell yourself to ease…as you gently focus in your heart, relax as you breathe and e-a-s-e the stress out.

As you tell yourself to ease in your heart, relax and ease the stressful emotion out, feel as if the unwanted emotion is leaving your system. Don’t force it out; ease it out. Befriend the reaction by holding it in your heart, then let the feeling ease out of your system.

Use the Notice and Ease Tool for one minute often throughout your day. Keep using the Notice and Ease™ Tool for one minute or longer, until you feel something lighten up, even if you don’t get an immediate, complete release. Quite often you can experience so many feelings within just five minutes. Don’t let this confuse you. Don’t even try to figure out why. Just keep practicing the Notice and Ease™ tool until your energies come back in balance. Then listen to the intuitive guidance of your heart on what to do next.

or to learn more go to http://www.heartmath.org/

This Valentines Day take the opportunity to begin to listen to your heart.  It is the most loving gift you can give to yourself and your family.

Wishing you a heart-lead life and a very happy Valentines Day,

Your Sensible Girlfriend

[Photo Credit: NASA; the Gulf oil spill April 29, shortly after the April 20 explosion.]

As a parent, we want to protect and shield our children from the horrors and disasters of the world. But the reality is that we live in a world where bad things happen.  Take for instance, the recent oil spew in the gulf which is a devistating disaster harming sea life, ocean, beaches, people physically and financially and the long term affects are unknown.  Or the subprime housing fiasco which pulled the rug out from under the foundation of our economy.  We feel it.  We can’t ignore it.  But how much do we share about it with our children?  A mom I know posed this question which got me thinking about the duality in life.

My children are very young, so we haven’t gotten that deep yet…

But my belief is to always tell them everything based in truth and as much reality as is age appropriate… and then to end with hope for the future or the possible upside of things.

Children take in a lot from us that is non-verbal. If we react deeply to a situation such as the oil spill, they feel it.  If we feel hopeless about the state of the world and our future, they will feel it even if you express in words otherwise.

In my opinion, it comes down to our own trust in life. Yes there is always going to be duality, as there is always dark and light.  But that dark can be interpreted and deeply felt either as despair and hopelessness… or as the reality of darkness that does exist in this world, but does not take away the abundancy of light that also exists.  Nature (God/Universe) has a way of giving ultimate power to the good, even if we don’t see or understand it.  The law of nature is healing beyond statistics, studies, human degradation and our capacity to understand it or see it in it’s entirety.

My belief is that this trust in the good (God/Universe) in life is the rock that will keep me and my family on solid ground when life throws unknowns our way. Even if we don’t talk about this trust, our children feel it in our voice, in our body language and our overall energy.  As they grow up, it can help them to face the dark in life and deal with it as it comes their way.  We parents can demonstrate that we can care and even act upon what is happening without being swallowed up by the darkness of it.  It is a tool that can even help our children to be leaders in shining light where it seemed only darkness existed.   We can share a limited amount of the reality of the situation with them and then any amount of good or hope that we can see.

With the good comes the bad… and with the bad comes the good.  Which do you want to focus on?  That’s what your children will focus on too.

Wishing you and your family lots of light in a sometimes dark world,
Your Sensible Girlfriend