This Christmas, my family and I started a new tradition we call The 12 Days of Christmas. Each day for twelve days starting December 26, we give a gift to someone we appreciate to let them know that they make a difference in our lives.

I believe appreciation is one of the best gifts you can give someone. Most people are surprised or even shocked to be recognized for their efforts or to know that they are valued and treasured.  On the other hand, It feels good to tell people that you value them and that they are important to you and this gives you the opportunity to do it.

This tradition is also a way that I can teach my children about gratitude and that Christmas is not just about receiving presents. They get to see how the unexpected act of kindness, acknowledgement and appreciation touches people’s hearts.

One woman who who works at the YMCA was deeply touched by our gift of appreciation.   She told me that no one ever says thank you or tells her how much they appreciate her.  I could see that our gratefulness lifted her spirits and made her feel that all her hard work is worthwhile because it does make a difference to someone.

The gift this year from our hearts and our hands- my homemade rustic rye bread.  My boys and I made it with love and their own little hands.

I believe we are here on this earth to connect with people, to make a difference in each other’s lives.  I believe in every relationship, expressing your love and appreciation only creates more love and appreciation.  This is one way to reach out and to create more love in the world.  So let someone know that you appreciate them and you will be making the world a better place.

(Even if you did not get the gift of appreciation from me, just know that I still truly do appreciate you.)

Thank you for reading my blog; with Gratitude and Appreciation,

Your Sensible Girlfriend

I’ll admit it, I am a recovering hoarder. I inherited my pack-rat nature from both my parents who saw value in every piece of scrap they came across. I learned to be a “maybe we will need this someday” kind of person, a “be prepared for anything” kind of person, so learning how to let go of things has not been easy.

Kitchen Area- "After"

Cluttered Refrigerator & Counter Tops- "Before"

That all changed after reading a book called Simplicity Parenting. When I learned that my children would be better behaved just by de-cluttering, I was willing to try it. The theory is that clutter adds to overstimulation which when combined with other factors (being tired, hungry, emotionally out of sorts, etc.) a child is more likely to misbehave.

I had a chance to test this theory. We were going on vacation, so in order to sublet our home, we removed all child-related things and personal items (eliminating a lot of clutter). When we returned, we kept out the few toys my boys had from their suitcases. I also added some rocks and drift wood from the beach to give them something to build with. To my amazement, my children were calmer, more peaceful and happier! There were no longer piles of toys to scatter and step over. Their play became more creative out of sheer necessity. To my surprise, they didn’t complain about having fewer toys. They were actually happier with less! Imagine that! Another huge benefit was that my husband was noticeably happier with less clutter and living with happier kids.

Here’s the science behind why this works. Our bodies produce a stress hormone called cortisol when we are overstimulated. Clutter reads like chaos/stress to our senses. So when the clutter is removed, our brain and bodies can relax. When surrounded by clutter (or noise or anything continually irritating) there is a constant flow of cortisol in our system. This is like putting your children in PMS mode, so the slightest thing will more easily set them off.

Playroom "After"

Another “wow” that I got from Simplicity Parenting was the idea that space is a precious commodity. Empty space is often worth more than the item taking up that space. Weigh the value of being calmer and happier against the usefulness of that item. Does that change anything for you? It was a huge paradigm shift for me!

Desk Area "De-Cluttered"

Where to start?
• Start small. Choose one area such as your children’s toys, your bathroom counter or your desk.

• Eliminate the obvious, eliminate another time, and then a third time with the idea of space as a commodity and the prospect of happier children.

• Fellow hoarders: It is okay to put things that you use often hidden away in a cupboard.  You don’t need to see it to know that it is there, especially if you use it every day.  If you need a reminder, you can make a “what is in this cupboard” list taped inside your cupboard if you must.

• Empty space is good.  Empty space actually calms our visual senses.

• Try to make surfaces of tables and counters as bare as you can.

• Donate what you have eliminated to a charity or gift the items to friends who would appreciate it.

Here are some helpful visuals:

Organize Your Clutter- My Children's "Art Cupboard"

(Below is a homemade curtain stuck on with “stick-on” velcro)

Hide Clutter Behind A Curtain!

No Cupboard Space? Appliances Can Be Hidden Under A Tablecloth!

Hidden Appliances- "After"

"Good Stuff" Going To Donation Center

It’s a New Year’s resolution worth following through on. My family is definitely more peaceful for it.

Wishing You A Peaceful, Joyful New Year!

Your Sensible Girlfriend

When it comes to birthdays, I go all out, especially with the cake. I tend to push the limits of my creativity. So when my younger son said he wanted a “tiger cake”, I envisioned a cute little tiger sitting on top of the cake in a green forest.  I was inspired by watching a television show called The Cake Boss. They tend to use a lot of fondant (which is a sweet dough-like substance made of corn syrup, glycerin, powdered sugar, shortening and gelatin), not the healthiest stuff to say the least.

So instead, I made my own moldable sweet dough– a “healthy marzipan” using ground almonds, honey and spelt flour. I didn’t have a recipe to follow, so I just made one up. (You’ll find my “Healthy Marzipan” recipe in an upcoming post.)

Molding the marzipan into the shape of a tiger was surprisingly quick and easy. I started with a square for the head and a log roll for the body and just sculpted using my fingers.

I painted the face and stripes using royal icing and a black gel food coloring (I wish I had a healthier way to make the paint.)

I made two cakes with pieces of pear baked inside and sandwiched whipped cream and berries in between. (The cake recipe is from my professional baker uncle which I can’t reveal.)

My children always help me bake.

The birthday boy rolled out a log that I wedged into the middle of the cake to give it a smooth shape.

We rolled out the forest green marzipan flat, large enough to cover the cake.

I cut off the excess and smoothed in down close and tight.

I made extra colored marzipan for the decorative parts of the cake.

My amazingly, creative husband rolled these bees wax candles and made them into mini palm trees! How cute is that!

The birthday boy loved his cake and wanted the tiger all for himself.

And I let him have it. Just almonds and honey, how sensible is that? He can have his cake and eat it too!

Your Sensible Girlfriend

I have a mom friend who was wondering why she feels like she is always hurrying her children, even when they are “supposed to be enjoying life“. She writes about it in her blog post called “Why is it so hard for me to let my kids enjoy life at their own pace”.

http://jennifermargulis.net/blog/2011/08/why-is-it-so-hard-for-me-to-let-my-kids-enjoy-life-at-their-own-pace/

She asked for advice on “how to slow down and let her kids just be kids”.

To answer her, I shared the story of my own struggles of doing too much and learning to slow down. Here’s my story:

I am the type of person who likes to be “productive”. I like to set goals or plan the “big picture” of how things are going to go (whether an event like a birthday party, play group time or even every day life). And as a former television producer, I am used to coming up with an idea and then making it happen. So naturally, all of these traits slid right into the way I parent. I thought I knew what was best for my children and I went to great lengths to create fun/educational/sensory stimulating times for my kids. (I created and lead a weekly playgroup starting when my oldest son was 5 months old. We did music play days, art play days, movement/dance days. We also went on group excursions involving nature and/or animals.)

I often went for the “wow factor” trying to do things that would make our kids either say or think, “wow!”

I thought all these “personality traits” were a plus to being a “good parent”. And all the parents thought all these activities we great. But I started to sense something just wasn’t right, kind of like when you see (or feel really) a red flag in a romantic relationship and although you are not conscious of it all the time, it nags at you in the background of your daily life.

People always said, “wow, you do so much”, and I took it as a compliment. But at the same time, my children did not seem peaceful and happy.

And although I knew this was partly circumstance from trauma after the birth of my second son, I deep down knew that I was doing something wrong. I scoured articles on Waldorf-inspired parenting and kept reading similar advice to slow down, but I did not know what that really meant. It wasn’t in my personality or temperamental make up to do that. Honestly, I just didn’t know how. I tried by starting to do less. It helped a little, but I still sensed that there was another component to this that I was missing. I finally clicked when I read the book Simplicity Parenting. We were already on board with the most of the author’s advice of no electronic or plastic toys and I had already pared down their toy collection to three shelves. I also had already de-cluttered my house (based on his suggestion). We were already a TV-free house and limited their exposure to the adult world. So what really made the difference was this: the author basically said that we often are trying to “do something” to give our children a memorable childhood, but what makes the best memories are the rituals and traditions that we create in their daily lives and (even more importantly) the moments where we are doing “nothing”– that is when the magic happens (and my interpretations is that that is where they have the space to really feel our love, which is what they most crave).

In those “nothing” spaces, there is time for silliness, creative brainstorming together for projects, random storytelling, and sometimes even my four year old will feel like it is a good time to talk about what he is feeling deep inside.

Today (at the time of writing this) he said with a giant smile on his face “I am so happy. I am just so happy!” That tells me that I am doing something right and these changes I’ve made are working.

So how did I slow down? I did not only plan less in a day, but I stopped focusing on the things that we “had to do”. And I allowed myself to mentally and energetically meander through these spaces in the day where we didn’t have to be anywhere or do anything in particular. After I stopped leading a “Waldorf-style” playgroup and personal chefing, my husband said, “you don’t really need to do anything.” He helped me to break it down to just the essentials and see that everything else is an extra, by choice. I realized that we don’t really have to do anything except for eat, sleep, stay clean and do household chores, but I do keep with a daily rhythm and rituals. When I stopped focusing on “doing”, it was easier to just “be”. And this affects children so strongly because they are energetically so sensitive.

My kids (like all kids) can tell when my focus is somewhere else (like the computer or on a future project/event). If you can just be present with a child in this way, this is like spiritual food for their soul. This is more nourishing and longer lasting than any “wow” you can try to create.

Doing this also meant that I had to drop my “productive”, “professional working woman mode” and in a sense, my ego. To my surprise and also some relief, this was not about me and “what kind of a mother I am”. I think sometimes we, especially successful working women, tend to take on mothering as we do our profession. We see ourselves and our job as a mother in a certain way and we do what it takes to fulfill that vision. And fulfilling that vision in our minds equals success. And me being the “big picture” thinker, I saw myself and my family in this certain picture and I tried to “produce” this “project” just as I would produce a television show. That drove me to do those “wow” things that I thought my kids would like and what I thought would be good for them with this certain vision in mind.

Now I see that I was not making room for who they are. I was not making space for their soul to blossom and unfold. I was trying to entertain them and to educate them, but now they entertain themselves and learn through just plain old living. Now with the time to meander, be silly and just be, it allows their true self to unfold freely (almost gives them permission). And now I really pay attention to the signs to see if what we are doing is “feeding their soul” or not.

I now see that sometimes we hurry our children to do or see what we think is the “best part of life”, sometimes based on what we may have wanted as children. That is why we try to entertain them filling their life with those “wow” moments to things that we think are cool– rushing them out of the house to “have fun” at community festivals or classes to enhance their education or development, etc… when all they want to do is stay home and pretend play with the empty cardboard box.

And as my friend Jennifer reflected on, when her child opened a birthday present, Jennifer tried to direct her daughter’s attention to the beautifully hand painted wooden blocks when all the girl wanted was to play with the pretty ribbons. We adults want our kids to focus on what we think is important, but many times our children get caught up in something they are interested in (which can be a discovery/learning opportunity.) And who are we to say that those pretty ribbons are not as cool as those wooden blocks. The little girl loved them so much that she brought them to bed that night.

I am still wary of falling back into my old ways of parenting. It seems ironic, but it is harder just to “be” than it is to “do”. It is so easy to slip into our activity-filled, entertaiment-filled, information-filled society and hard to “protect” our kids from too much of it. Funny, I have to give myself permission to “do nothing.” But there is proof in my son bubbling over with so much happiness, that I am doing exactly what he needs. I hope this will help keep me on track.

And I hope in today’s world of the endless amounts of “wow” things out there to do, you can learn from my experience and just “be” with your children. Ask yourself with every activity, “is this going to light up their heart and nourish their soul? Or “am I just trying to entertain them?”

Allow space for them to meander through life. Every kid should be able to have that “happy-go-lucky” existence… and they can, if we would just allow it.

Giving Myself Permission To Just “Be”,
Your Sensible Girlfriend

Now that our kids have had their fill of Halloween candy, I have some words of advice (on the down low) from a dentist that I “grilled” (informally interviewed) recently.

But to start, I’ll tell you that I don’t really believe that young kids need to see a dentist if you are conscious to take preventative measures (which we do).
So that said, of course, my kids have not been to a dentist yet (almost three and four years old) although most people including dentists might consider that a form of light child abuse.  (You may be one of them and may feel like reporting me to the authorities, but hold on and hear me out because it might surprise you to know that a dentist I spoke with agreed with me! (off the record, however to avoid criticism from colleagues.)

Why don’t I believe in dentist visits for my young kids?
A couple of reasons.  One is that I don’t believe my children need a dental cleaning at this age.  And second, I’ve always felt that dentists are trying to get you in as early and as often as they can in order to make a living.

The shocking thing is that this dentist said that I am right! He did say that he does see young children with cavities who do need cleanings and dental work, but they are the children who eat sugary foods, candy and drink soda or juice as a part of their normal daily diet (so if this describes your kid, please do take him or her to the dentist early and often).  However, if you are a family like us, who does not eat sugary foods and cares for your kids teeth (brushing and checking for cavities) this dentist says your children can wait to see a dentist until around five or six years old! (and that is just for a general check up to make sure everything is okay.)

So what is the best way to take care of a young child’s teeth so they don’t need to see a dentist?
AVOID SUGAR AND SUGARY FOODS.  That means all sugars including soda and fruit juice.  Again, this dentist said the kids who have cavities are the ones who eat candy, drink soda and even fruit juice regularly.  Kids don’t need juice.  Eating fruit provides the fiber that is important in their diet and also in a way scrubs their teeth kind of like a tooth brush, so less sugar is left on the teeth.  Drinking juice (or soda) is like washing your teeth in a sugar bath!
BRUSH AFTER YOU EAT.  If you eat something sugary this will help.  And here’s something you may not have thought of: carbohydrates stick to your teeth and can be almost as damaging as sugar (especially white flour types of foods).  Brushing will make all the difference since tartar only forms from food or sugar left on your teeth.  Flossing is good too, but just getting the brush into your kids mouths is sometimes the best we can do.
RINSE YOUR MOUTH WITH WATER AFTER EATING OR DRINKING.  For kids, just having them drink water will rinse off a good amount of gunk that can turn into cavity producing tartar.
CHECK FOR CAVITIES. If you see any spots on your child’s teeth, especially on the tops of the molars, go see a dentist.

That is basically it for a healthy dental regimen.

Some other sound advice from this dentist…
When your child does see a dentist, have the dentist coat the tops of the back teeth with a sealant- a thin coating of resin. Since the molars are the most used to chew (where food can more easily get stuck in small crevices) this is where the coating can be an impervious barrier and protect the teeth without being invasive.  This along with brushing can prevent kids who do eat sugar from losing their molar teeth to tooth decay.

Fluoride does help your teeth, so brushing with fluoride does make a difference, however it is not necessary to drink fluoridated water. Just getting your teeth in contact with fluoride is what matters. Fluoride strengthens the bony type material of the teeth, so if your child does have a weak spot in his tooth, the flouride can actually build up that weak spot and avert the possibility of a cavity.  I personally would only give flouride toothpaste to children who are old enough not to swallow toothpaste.  I believe ingesting fluoride is harmful and should only be used topically on the surface of the teeth and then rinsed out well with water.  My children use a fluoride-free toothpaste since they are still in the habit of sucking on their toothbrushes.  When they get older and break this habit, I’ll switch them over to a toothpaste with fluoride.

Some other tid-bits on the down low…
According to this dentist, it is true that many dentist do unnecessary cleanings and procedures in order to make money. Many dentists are not into prevention, but will “drill and fill” at the slightest sign of a cavity, where it instead could be remedied with prescription fluoride or other means. He has seen dentists take out teeth unnecessarily, and even do root canals that have done more harm than good.  He agrees with me on this — if you are generally healthy with your teeth, seeing a bad dentist can put you more at risk than not seeing a dentist at all!

I am sure many dentists would refute these claims, but just think about who stands to gain and who stands to lose. My sensible advice– teach your kids to take care of their teeth and watch the sugar intake, and you can avoid most dental problems for life.

Your Sensible Girlfriend

Kids love this time of year, while parents like me dread Halloween because of the GOBS of candy. So in looking for a solution, I came across THE answer. Here’s an article on it that I wrote for this month’s Maui Mamas Magazine:

What To Do With All That Halloween Candy?
CANDY SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS!

Goblins, ghouls, witches and ghosts… It’s that time of year again for scary things, but the most frightening of all on Halloween is ALL THAT CANDY!
I love all the costumes.  And even the “trick or treating” is fun.  But if you’re a mom like me, I cringe when I think of my kids eating Halloween candy and so much of it! Last year my toddlers scored such a loot that was astonishingly cool to them and absolutely horrifying to me and my husband (based on our usual “no sugar” nutritional sense).

Being a health conscious parent, you can hide it, donate it, negotiate about how much they can eat or just throw it away.  But I always feel kind of guilty for taking away the treasure that they worked so hard for. So how can you let your kids keep their candy, let them enjoy it and as a responsible mom, still feel good about it?  The answer: Candy “Science” Experiments!

“Drop a Warhead in baking soda water and see bubbles erupt.  Leave a Skittles in water, the “S” floats to the surface.  Melt a Starburst and see shiny oil spots form.”  These are just a few examples of candy science experiments from candyexperiments.com.

Why do it all alone when you can gather up some friends and have a Post-Halloween Candy Experiment  Party!
Kids can wear rubber gloves, aprons, and swim goggles to turn your home into a Candy Science Lab!

Candyexperiments.com suggests these experiments:
The Acid Test
Floating M’s
Color Separation (make a ROYGBIV rainbow with skittles in water)
Dissolving Hot/Cold
Sink/Float
Free For All: Let kids smash, microwave or anything else they can think of.

Here are some other ideas:

Make a Mentos/Soda Erupting Volcano

Make a Game Of It:
Guess which one will float
Guess what part will melt away last

Crafts:
Melt hard candies and lollipops and pour into cookie cutters to make stained glass ornaments.  Poke a hole and string it up for your Christmas tree!

I know my kids will be excited to try these experiments and maybe even forget about eating the candy at all!  That’s nothing to say Boo to!  Have a Happy and Safe Halloween!

P.S. Check out my last year’s blog post about Holidays- making it about tradition rather than commercialism.

Your Sensible Girlfriend

A picture is worth a thousand words, but video is the next best thing to being there.  Believe it or not, my soon-to-be 4 year old son came up with the idea of making a video birthday invitation!  I was planning on sending out a conventional “e-vite” for my son’s 4th birthday party- a rocket themed party where we planned to invite preschool-aged kids to try out our homemade zip line.  The birthday boy was excited to show off his dad’s super-cool homemade zip line, but he was worried that most of his young friends would not know what a zip line is.  He said, “why don’t we make a video to show them how zip lining works!”. I instantly knew this was a brilliant idea.  The video invitation did its job perfectly.  Not only did it get rave reviews, but more importantly every child (who was not out of town) came to the party excited to zip line and we even had a few other friends who came along!  For me personally, it’s the kind of project that quenches my creative thirst.  And, nothing is more fun than watching your kids laugh, smile and be giddy over and over and over! (which is what you do when you are editing video)

Do you want to make a video invitation?  Here’s what I did… Read the rest of this entry…

Sometimes the simplest ideas are brilliant. My three and a half year old son came up with this one.  He said, “Let’s make cookies and put them on a stick!”  He recently discovered the joy of eating popsicles, so eating things on a stick was fresh in his mind.

He was also motivated because making cookies always means he gets to lick the batter… and of course younger brother was too.

I’ve noticed that young children immerse themselves in everything they do at a very deep level. So when they mix, add ingredients, and taste what they are baking, getting lost in the “doing”, their hands *and hearts* are fully engaged in the experience.  I pause every time noting that this kind of activity is truly “food” for their soul.

For young kids, imitation is a crucial building block to their life-long success and well being. When they get to do “what mom does” and literally get their hands in it, not only does it seems to cool to them…  But also, when they see *their idea*, *their creation* come to life, it builds on their self esteem.  They see themselves as creators and feel empowered by it.  I’m so happy and impressed that when my three and a half year-old son wants something, the first thing out of his mouth is not “can we buy it”, but rather “how can we make it?”

His proud little smile says it all!

I hope you can find what gives your children this sense of pride and satisfaction.  And do it with them often…

Bon Appetit, enjoy your cookie on a stick treat!

Your Sensible Girlfriend

Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies On A Stick Recipe

(Adapted from Cook’s Illustrated Chewy-Oatmeal Rasin Cookies)

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

16 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened

1 cup packed light brown sugar (or succanat)

3/4 cup granulated sugar

2 large eggs

3 cups old-fashioned oats

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line baking sheet with parchment paper or silicone mat.  Whisk dry ingredients.  Beat butter until creamy.  Add sugars; beat until fluffy, about 3 minutes. Beat the eggs, one at a time.  Stir the dry ingredients into the butter-sugar mixture with a wooden spoon or rubber spatula.  Stir in oats and chocolate chips.  Roll cookie dough into 2  to 2 & 1/2 inch balls and stick a popsicle stick into the middle of it.  Bake until the edges of the cookie are brown, about 22 to 25 minutes.  Let the cookies cool on the baking sheet for 2 minutes.  Lift cookies with a wide spatula.  Let cool 30 minutes (unless you must eat one immediately). (And yes, we do save our used popsicle sticks for projects like this!)

How cute and convenient is this idea!  …And so easy to make!  Mini, muffin-sized crustless quiches were a hit in my house.  I served them for breakfast.  I packed some for my brother-in-law’s eight hour plane flight.  Put some in my kids lunch boxes and sent some with my husband for work. I also gave some to the family that I am a personal chef for.  Everyone loved them.
I can’t take credit for the idea.  I found it online from Cooking Light… but I did not follow the Cooking Light recipe of course since I don’t believe in cooking light.  I believe in cooking delicious!

Here’s how you make these Mini Crustless Quiches:

• Scramble 8 eggs (cooking light suggested 5 eggs and 3 egg whites)

• Add heavy cream.  I used half of an egg shell and filled it 8 times.

• Mix in Cheddar cheese or any cheese you like.

• Saute anything you want inside of them.  I sauted onion, garlic and mushrooms then later added crisp bacon and freshly chopped chard.

• Pour egg mixture into a dozen count muffin tin.

• Add sauted veggies.

• Add freshly chopped chard.

• Top with crisp previously cooked bacon (or sausage)

• Bake for 10 minutes at 425 degrees, until toothpick comes out clean.

• Cool slightly before eating.

Voila!  Gourmet on the Go!

Enjoy!

Your Sensible Girlfriend

Proud Little Gardeners Sprout Wheat Grass Hats

Kids love getting their hands dirty. So I knew my kids would have fun when we planted wheat berry seeds with our playgroup friends.

Our Friend's Pots With Freshly Planted Wheat Berry Seeds

I wanted the children to see how plants grow, to give them an idea of what Springtime is about. What I didn’t expect was the excitement and the awe that my boys had witnessing the magic of a plant coming to life.

Each day, they would water the plants with me and comment on each friend’s plant.

Tiny Shoots Appear After 3 Days

They couldn’t wait to see how much each plant had grown every morning.

Taller Shoots After 4 days of Growth

A week after planting the wheat berry seeds, our playgroup friends came back to see their fully grown wheat grass plants.

Full Grown Wheat Grass Plants

The children looked at the plants with awe.  I said to them, “this is what you grew with your own hands”.  I could see that idea sinking in as they stared at their own potted plant.

It was beautiful to see each of them glowing with pride.

Boys Giddy About Wheat Grass Plants

My boys loved to carry their potted plants around, sporting a sense of ownership.

Because it was their own, they felt free to taste the grass without looking for acceptance or approval.

Yummy Wheat Grass!

Chomp, Chomp! Wheat Grass Yum!

They ran around with the plants, even put them on their heads.  These were their creation, their babies.

Boys Run Around With Their Plants

They were celebrating the life they brought to be.

Here’s How To Grow Your Own Wheat Grass Plant:

• Buy Wheat Berry Seeds (At your local health food store)

• Soak the seeds in water over night.

• Plant them in potting soil at least 1/4 deep into the soil.  Make sure there is a drainage hole in the bottom of your planter or pot.

• Water once a day.  If the soil becomes dry, water it a second time.

• Make sure your plant gets lots of direct sunlight.

• You should see the first signs of growth in three days.

• In a week, your Wheat Grass Plant will be ready to fully admire or eat or juice into Wheat Grass Juice!

Enjoy!

Your Sensible Girlfriend